There are a lot of things I dislike. I could sit here and name every single one of them, off the top of my head, but you would most likely face a DBB- Death By Blog. And I don’t particularly want that on my hands.

I don’t dislike things and rant about them because I’m a pessimist, or because I’m negative or have a ‘bad attitude’. To be honest, ranting is just a way for me to vent without, well, doing anything stupid. I express myself through writing, and anger is one of many emotions I experience. So, like everything else, I’ll write it all down and get it out of my system. No angsty, impulsive feelings equals a safer Jess for everyone.

If I start ranting, there will always be a reason why. I generally dislike things because I find them unfair. I develop a hatred for things that are not right. I’m not talking about getting a bad grade on an essay because you procrastinated, or facing the consequences after you’ve disobeyed your parents. I’ve done that enough times to understand that although it seems like you’re being treated unjustly, it was indeed your own fault.

In the same way, I don’t hate people. If someone treats me badly, or says something awful to me, of course I will be offended and stand up for myself. But it’s not the person that I’m angry with. It’s their actions, their words. I’m angry that they’ve hurt me, not that they exist.

There is one thing that I hate more than anything else in the entire world. If I could, I would eradicate it completely. It is so tragic and disheartening, I thought I would take this golden opportunity (an empty, dying blog) to address it and voice my opinion.

I hate it when people ruin surprises.

Hate, hate, HATE IT. It makes me feel sick. It makes me scream, yell and cry.
It makes me pull an Incredible Sulk, for crying out loud.

You could be doing one of two things right now. Either nodding your head, agreeing with me, or shaking your head, thinking I’m a melodramatic girl with too much time on your hands.
You’d be right of course, but that’s besides the point.

This particular issue (plague) in our society infuriates me because surprises exist for a reason. They’re special. They’re secrets which, as human beings, we should try our absolute hardest to keep.

But then you have these people who spoil surprises. We all know them.

They tell you what you’re getting for Christmas.

Surprise birthday party? Sure thing! They’ll let you know as soon as possible.

The list goes on, and on, and on, but I decided to stop at 2 because otherwise, my head would implode. Either that, or I’d resemble a Ragetoon.

My biggest pet peeve, when it comes to surprises, is people who knowingly spoil things like movies and music. When I want to see a movie, I’ll watch the trailer, and that’s it. I like the suspense of not knowing what’s going to happen. I love the sheer thrill of getting hooked on a brilliant storyline.

If the movie is terrible, alright, I’ll probably take your word for it. But please, don’t spoil a movie for me by giving me the details of every second of it. I will resist the urge to slap you, but not the urge to ignore you.

The same thing happens with music. When I like a band, and I find out that they’re releasing a new album, I get very excited. I enjoy anticipating the day of the album’s release and rushing to the shops to buy it. Pre-ordering an album is even more fun. I absolutely love sprinting out to my mail-box everyday, checking for my precious album. When it arrives, the smile on my face is unbreakable.

Unfortunately, there are also horrible people out there who go around on the Internet, leaking albums. I can’t stand it. First of all, they’re ripping off the artist, who has worked hard to create their music. That’s wrong. And second of all, why ruin it for everyone else? Naturally, you don’t have to listen to the leaked album, but many people do. This only encourages stupid people to keep spoiling it for those of us who appreciate surprises and support their favourite musicians.

I don’t doubt that surprise ruiners are good people. I’m not accusing them of causing global warming, or the recession, or anything ridiculous. But, even with the best (or worst) intentions at heart, they’re just blowing it for everyone. I like suspense. I like anticipation. And, hey, some people don’t. But if you feel the absolute need to ruin a surprise, for goodness sake, make sure that it is either essential that the person finds out (for emergency reasons etc.), or that they DO NOT LIKE surprises.

Surprise ruiners, I still love you. But don’t throw your thoughtfulness down the drain and ruin surprises. To put it simply, it’s not nice. I don’t like it. So don’t do it, please.

Be nice. Don’t ruin surprises. Change the world.

So, for all who have been wondering (i.e. no one), I will now proceed to ramble about the life of the slack owner of this blog, Jess. Well, me, but phrasing it the way I did sounds a heck of a lot more awesome…

I am now on school holidays for about eight weeks. WOO. It’s summer here in Australia, which means lots of sun, sunscreen, sunglasses, and hopefully no sunburn.

The last week of school (well, my last week- I skipped the remaining two days of school) was okay, I guess. In maths we played board games, in CLS (Christian Life Studies) we watched movies, in English we played Balder Dash, and in the afternoons the girls and guys in my year would split up and do educational activities (or pointless crap, which surprisingly sounds very appropriate). On the last day, Friday, we went for the whole day to a science & technology museum. It sounds boring, but OH MY GOODNESS WE HAD SO MUCH FUN. There’s a rollercoaster simulator there so all my friends and I screamed like maniacs. Then we ran around the entire museum and tried out everything, squealing and shouting. The museum guards looked at us like we were on some sort of illegal substance, but whatever…

On the Saturday after school ended, I went with all my friends by bus and train to my best friend Chloe’s house (she lives five hours away from me). I stayed there for a week and it was amazing. We swam in her pool, played ping pong, went to the beach and the park, ran around her neighbourhood, and did all sorts of other crazy stuff for about five days. It was her birthday also, so we had loads of cake!

And now I’m sitting here, bored out of my mind, wishing Christmas would just come already. It doesn’t even feel like Christmas in my house, for some reason. Oh, well.

Oh! I almost forgot. The reason why the background of my site looks out of place is because I’m currently in the process of making a new layout. I’m messing around with all sorts of things, so don’t be worried if everything looks retarded.

Alrighty, here’s some questions for you:

• Do you believe in Christmas?
• What is your favourite breed of dog?
• Do you like zucchini?
• The best thing about holidays is…

By the way, the person who gives me the most creative answer for any of the questions will win a prize… which I have not yet determined… but whatever

Until next time, friendlings!

Hey everyone! Wow, it feels like I haven’t blogged in forever. It’s only been, what, two weeks? *cowers in shame* I think that’s a record, even for me. Some of you may remember my infamous hiatuses back in the day at my old site, xSparkieheart. I swear, in the amount of time it used to take me to change layouts, I could have climbed up and down Mount Everest. No joke. =/

Anyway, I’m really sorry for not updating. You’d think that I would have done heaps of sitely stuff over the last two weeks, seeing as I’ve been on holidays. But I’m embarrassed to admit that my site didn’t even cross my mind once. I went to my best friend Azmy’s house for four days (she moved recently and now lives five hours away from me *sniff*), which was loads of fun, and last night I attended my friend Karen’s sweet sixteen party, which was pretty sweet (hah, aren’t I imaginative?). I spent the remainder of the two weeks completing assignments and finishing homework. Which, as you can imagine, SUCKED. Oh, well.

Haha, I’m listening to the coolest song ever right now. Relient K have an insanely awesome sense of humour which never fails to make me laugh. My favourite part of this song (Bee Your Man) is when they’re finishing off the chorus:

“And I’d like to conclude with five great things about America. Freedom, justice, America… and, uh, what’s that last one?
Right, Taco Bell. Thank you.”

AHAHAHAH =D Sorry. I can’t get over how funny that bit is. I listen to it, like, every day before I go to bed.

Sigh. This is what happens when I have no inspiration for a blog.

Oh, I know! Maybe I should conclude with five great things about music, and then five great things about owning a website, and then seven questions for you guys to answer. Because seven is my favourite number, and I don’t want it to miss out.

Jess, you just implied you befriend inanimate objects…

Yeah, I know. But I like seven. It ate nine. Geddit? Seven-eight-nine? Eh? Eh…?!

AND NOW I’M TALKING TO MYSELF. GREAT.

Dude, stop shouting. It’s rude. Do you like shouting? I didn’t think so. Just shut up and stop convincing your readers you’re a weirdo with no life. Even if it is true.

Um… Ignore that.

Anyway, forget the “great things” lists. I’ll save them for another time. Right now I feel like asking questions. =D

LOL I was just typing the title of my blog and I wrote “Beward” instead of “Beware”. That made me laugh so hard.

Wait, isn’t there a polar bear with that name?

OHHHH! I KNOW! His name is Bernard. Hah… I love that guy. He’s funny. *glomps*

o_0

Uh, question time!

• Was this blog an epic fail? Please be honest and provide genuine feedback. Actually, rate this blog from 1 to 10, 1 being suckish and 10 being amazing. (I bet you five Gummi Bears that the highest score will be 3.)
• I hate the words “epic” and “fail”, but I continue to use them on a daily basis. What are some words/phrases you use regularly?
• What do you like to blog about? Or, if you don’t have your own website, what do you like to read about in a blog?
• Do you like pogo sticks? I do. Although, I’ve never actually had one of my own… OH!
• Do you own a pogo stick?
• If so, can I borrow it? I like getting parcels in the mail. One day I hope to receive a Jonas Brother… preferably Nick… :3
• What would you like my next blog to be about? I need suggestions, people! Today is my last day of holidays, and once school starts my imagination will go into a coma for roughly ten weeks.

Was that seven questions? I hope so.

OH MY CATFISH, THAT ONE LINE MADE IT EIGHT QUESTIONS.

Wait, no… Question 3 actually had two questions in it. Hah, aren’t I sneaky?

Oh, but wait… that means seven missed out…

FML.

Music: Forget and Not Slow Down—Relient K
Updates: Added owner page (it’s about time!)

Warning: Emotional ramble ahead. You have been warned, people.

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven’t blogged lately- I just got back from my school camp, which lasted three days, and before that I was really busy finishing off last minute assignments and packing my bag. I’m on holidays for two weeks now, though, so I have plenty of time to work on my site and some stories I’ve started writing.

Just on a side note… can you guys please give me some feedback on my Owner page? I’m terrible at writing about myself, and I think the whole thing sounds stupid. But I’m a perfectionist, so I guess it’s all relative. xD

I’ll be truthful and say that it’s taken me two days to write this blog. I tried writing about my school camp, but I figured you guys would get bored. Then I wrote about guy problems in my life, but none of it sounded right and it was a little too personal to post here. And then I wrote about change, which was actually alright, but I’ll save it for another time. There’s something I’ve got on my mind write now, and seeing as I’m typing so furiously, I’ve got a feeling it’ll be a good blog.

Right now I’m listening to Forget and Not Slow Down by Relient K, as I’ve mentioned above. I’ve referenced the song in the title, too, because I adore it so much. It’s a beautiful song which talks about letting go of the past and moving on. In all honesty, I’ve never connected with a song so well in my entire life. Even a Jonas Brothers song hasn’t been able to describe my feelings in this way, and dude, that’s saying something. You can check it out here.

Most of the time, I’ll start liking a song simply for the beat, or the base line, or the melody. But I fell in love with Forget and Not Slow Down because of the incredible lyrics.

“I’d rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can’t change now
If I become what I can’t accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch
Pour over me and wash my hands of it.
Cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could’ve done better
But what good do “what if’s” do?
Oh oh, oh oh
There’s something I should tell you now…”

Recently, I’ve been feeling really down about my life. There’s been so much going on and honestly, I haven’t been handling it well. Stress from school and camp, both physically and emotionally. Friend problems. People moving, passing away, becoming distant from me. And just my attitude towards life in general. I’m normally a positive person, but lately I’ve been quite pessimistic and nasty towards the people who love me.

So, to explain all of that as accurately as possible…
I’m tired of losing people. I push away the people who love me so I don’t get hurt, but I end up losing them anyway because I don’t express my emotions and feelings right. I’m sick of not being good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, friendly enough. I’m fed up with trying to fit in and hide my mistakes. I’m so over trying to be perfect, trying to please everyone, trying my hardest and being told I’m a failure. I’m sick of regretting everything I say and do. I’m so confused, and angry, and vulnerable, and I hate it. I don’t want to be weak and pathetic and useless anymore. I’m sick of lying to people and telling them I’m okay when I’m not.

I can’t stand the way that people lie to me and use me. I’m tired of people trying to tell me “who I am” when they have no freaking idea. I’m sick of my past haunting me, building a wall between me and the people I need so much. I hate how they abandon me and look at me like I’m a piece of dirt. Why won’t anyone just listen to me? I can’t stand the way I refuse to see the good in anyone, including myself. I’m sick of being paranoid and worrying about what people think of me. I don’t want to be ignored anymore. I don’t want to cry anymore. I’m tired of being so damn tired, all the time. I hate how people insult me and my interests. I’m fed up with not knowing how I feel about people. I hate being such a depressing person, someone who struggles with stupid things that probably don’t even begin to compare to what others go through. I really dislike how I constantly whinge and rant, how I swear way too much nowadays, how I glare and scowl all the time. I hate how I feel lonely when I’m surrounded by loving people who care about me. I’m sick of carrying around so much hatred and anger. I hate how Andrew thinks I hate him, when that’s probably the farthest thing from the truth. I hate how no one will tell me what’s going on. I’m sick of being sad.

Most of all, I just want it all to go away. Everything. I want to be happy and positive and cheerful, like I always have been. I don’t want to feel alone as a result of my own insecurities.
I want to be set free from it all.

Last night, I prayed. I just let it all out, the exact same as written above. And I believe that God healed me. Everything I just typed above, that was the girl of yesterday. Mistaken identity, I suppose. Because I don’t feel any of it anymore.

I feel free. I can smile again, finally. I can look at the world around me and see the beauty in it. I don’t feel alone, or depressed, or useless, or pathetic, or unloved.
The happiness that fills my heart now is… indescribable. And I know that God showed me Forget and Not Slow Down to help me realise that our setbacks, our downfalls, our mistakes…
They are left in the past for a reason.

There is no future in the past.
No hope, nothing to live for.

God has given me inexplainable joy in my life. Letting go of my past… forgiving people… letting God restore the trust and love into my heart once more…
That’s what I want to live for.
I screw up everyday. And as much as I try, I’m not perfect.

But…

I’d rather forget and not slow down, than gather regret for the things I can’t change now.

So, recently I was going through Twitter. You know, checking out who people follow, that sort of thing. I clicked a random Twitter and saw that the person had tweeted “I love life!” Admittedly, I stared at it for about ten minutes.

I know, it doesn’t seem like a big deal, and writing a blog about a tweet probably sounds really pathetic. But personally, it gave me a bit of a reality check. I mean, when was the last time you actually said to yourself, “Wow! I love my life!”?

If I remember correctly, the last time I said those four words was when I was seven years old. And that was after I’d tasted apple pie for the first time. (Ah. Good times, good times.)

The power of positive thinking is often underestimated. Say you’re stuck in traffic, or something’s gone wrong with your assignment, or you’ve had a bad day. Is your attitude positive or negative? Is your instinctive reaction to shout and rant and whinge when things don’t go your way? Or is it to pick yourself back up and find the good in the situation?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect. As a Christian I love sharing my faith in God with others, but I’ve found that I can be very pessimistic and impatient at times. It’s something I’ve decided that I need to work on and improve. After all, frowning and scowling causes wrinkles, and who the hell wants wrinkles?

If you’re like me and you’re having a little trouble being positive, first of all, don’t stress too much about it. Trust me, if you sit around and pick at your faults and mistakes all day, it makes you ten times grouchier. It also makes your self-esteem go down faster than an elephant bungee jumping. After all, we’re trying to be positive, and that includes having an optimistic outlook on ourselves and others.

Secondly, compliments go a long way. You’d be surprised at the way a compliment from someone else can make you feel incredibly happy. The only thing better than receiving is giving, so compliment a stranger and watch the smile spread across their face.
Now, I know that not everyone is confident enough to walk up to someone random and compliment them. I’m really shy around people I don’t know, and situations like that can become awkward, losing the good intentions behind it. If that sounds like you, make like those ker-azy penguins from Madagascar and just smile & wave. A friendly smile from a stranger is one of the nicest things in the entire world, I think.

Finally, just appreciate what you have and try and find the good in every situation. It sounds difficult, but it is important to remember that everything happens for a reason. Don’t worry yourself over small, trivial nonsense. Instead, take a step back and admire the big picture. If it helps, make a list of blessings, opportunities and amazing things in your life at least once a month. From personal experience, I’ve found that it helps you keep an open mind and give thanks for the things you have.

In life, we will naturally find hardships and struggle with things. But good always comes with the bad, and that’s just the way it goes. It’s our attitude towards bad situations which will ultimately determine our destinies.

(Sorry if this is a fail blog. It’s late and I’m exhausted from seven hours’ drama rehearsal yesterday. Not to mention the essay-writing-until-two-in-the-morning and insane dance party on Friday night. *cough*)

WHOA! I bet you never saw this coming!

You probably thought I’d take 748201 weeks to make a new layout, huh. Don’t worry, that doesn’t anger me or anything- I’m kind of known for my ridiculously long hiatuses. But designing an entire layout in one hour? Now that’s a miracle. Well, for me, anyway. Usually it takes me two days to perfect a layout, mainly due to my OCD perfectionism.
But, as sad as it is to admit, this layout was made out of pure desperation. It’s winter here in Australia, so the pre-made layout I was using before was SO. DEPRESSING. OMG. Every time I looked at my site, I felt like sitting in the mud and crying. Ironic, because it’s pouring outside right now.

And I just realised how weird that sounded.

Moving on.

I’m thinking of adding a nav (navigation) bar to this layout. I don’t know why, but I can’t stand the way the text is so long and stretched out. A nav bar is useful, too- I need a place to list my affiliates and such. The only problem is that I love the navigation links I have under the header image, but putting a nav bar underneath that will look weird. Or maybe it’s just me. If there’s anything you guys don’t like about this layout, please let me know. If the links look like crap or the colours don’t match or the padding isn’t nice, let me know. If I’ve missed something, for goodness sake, let me know. Otherwise I’ll be neurotic for days on end, wondering if this layout looks half decent or not.

I think way too much sometimes.

Anyway, recently I finished reading the book Looking for Alibrandi. It’d been sitting on my bookshelf for about two years, and I finally got around to reading it. It’s about a seventeen-year-old girl, Josephine Alibrandi, who is struggling to find where she fits in and such. It’s an amazing book and I suggest you go out and read it- I couldn’t put it down until I finished it. (:

So, today my mother was at the video store, and she saw the movie version of the book. She rented it out and we watched it together this afternoon.

Let me just say, I was really disappointed.

The movie was pretty good I guess, but if I hadn’t have read the book, I wouldn’t have understood any of it. They left out two main characters and they skipped half the freakin’ story. Characters are written with a story behind them, and the movie did them no justice. It didn’t explain half the complications in Josie’s life, either. Looking for Alibrandi is a fantastic book, but the movie is filled with nonsensical word-for-word dialogue from the novel.

I have honestly drawn to the conclusion that (most) movie versions of books = FAIL. It really annoys me. I mean, I don’t expect the movies to be perfect- half the magic of reading books is that your imagination is needed to breathe the words to life. But they should at least try and stick to the main story line, or the basic personalities of the characters. Is that so hard?

Question time, everybody!

• Do you like my new layout! (LOL… Sorry. I just had to.)
• What do you think of movie versions of books, and vice versa? Are there any stand out winners or culprits you know of?
• Which is better: Movies or books?

And with that, my dear friendlings, I shall be off to bed. It’s bad enough I barely did any work on my essay today; procrastinating and going to bed late won’t do me any favours. Good night! =P

I’m a little stressed out right now. I mean, not stressed as in “My hair’s falling out! No! MUST… KEEP… WORKING!!”, but I’m definitely busy. I’m currently working on an essay about democracy, a science report on electricity, an English essay about discrimination, and a Drama performance plot which isn’t really working out. I’m also learning a new song on piano for my performance exam in music class, which is relatively easy, but very time-consuming.

This weekend, I would have liked to make a new layout for Twisted Smile, and transferred all my files from my old site, and talked to all my affiliates. But that’s just not going to happen. This Friday I’m attending Azmy’s going-away party, and then I’m going to youth group at the church next to my school, which is all the way across town. Then on Saturday I have a piano lesson, a track meet, and an essay to finish off, which is due on Monday.
In addition to all that, somehow I’m attempting to raise money for the 40 Hour Famine. I love the 40 Hour Famine- it’s an amazing opportunity to help people around the world in need, and it’s relatively simple. All you do is give up food, or electricity, or furniture for about two days. But the fundraising isn’t something I can do in ten minutes. It’ll take me at least four hours to do a round of my entire neighbourhood.

It’s unbelievable, when I think about it. My mother often accuses me of being anti-social when she sees me logging onto the computer for a mere half an hour every day. Has she even glimpsed at the calendar beside my desk? I barely have time to eat and sleep, let alone waste my life away in front of a computer screen!

Lately, I’ve become less, well, addicted, to my computer. Last year, I couldn’t go a day without checking my emails, updating my site, making graphics, talking to my friends on MSN, and reading a few blogs. Now, I’ve made school and extra-curricular activities my priority. I’m working harder at school, so my grades have gone back to straight A’s, and I’m doing really well in drama, music and creative writing. I recently joined the track team, and I ice-skate on the weekends now, so I’ve become a lot fitter. I’m spending quality time with my family, and I’m hanging out with both my old and new friends more. I’ve also started going to church again, which is a huge deal for me. So, although I’m fairly stressed right now, I feel healthy, happy and really motivated, which I definitely wouldn’t have been able to tell you guys at the start of this year.

I guess I better finish off this ramble with a few summary notes. (Sorry- I’m in essay mode.)
- I’m an indecisive perfectionist who likes rambling about being happy a whole lot more than ranting about the crap I’ve practically inflicted on myself.
- I’ve discovered what truly makes me happy in life- mainly God, family, friends, school, staying healthy, acting, writing and playing piano. I haven’t abandoned the internet, but it isn’t my whole life anymore.
- My site obviously isn’t amazing right now, but once I take care of all my major priorities, I’m sure it’ll be fine.
- My cat is hungry and would like to be fed now. When Smileh meows, I listen. x)

Sorry for the huge ramble. If this is your first time visiting my site, please don’t be put off- my blogs aren’t always pointless. I admit, a majority of the time my ‘blogs’ are just mindless venting, but this is my website, so I suppose it’s alright.
My advice for you guys this week?
Don’t worry. (Doot, doot, doo…) Be happy.